I saw something on Facebook the other day, and it made me take a step back. Not necessarily the ridiculousness of the pretty little photo quote, but the comments posted underneath it.
Wait….what?
“I know that’s how it is with MY man!”
“Preach it, brother!”
“BAM! This is me 100%”
“Straight up! I love big, but I will $*(% shit up if I get pissed off!”
On and on and on. Then, challenged by some brave soul who pointed out that you can have a big heart without being a hot head. Then some of the Big Hearts showed their Tempers, and the whole thing got deleted.
Wait, what? This is really a believable theory?
How about this:
Men with the BIGGEST HEARTS go out of their way for others
Men with the BIGGEST HEARTS treat others with kindness
Men with the BIGGEST HEARTS have self control
Men with the BIGGEST HEARTS realize that patience and tolerance are virtues
Men with the WORST TEMPERS show disregard for how their actions impact others
Men with the WORST TEMPERS should try to work on that aspect of their personality
Men with the WORST TEMPERS don’t set good examples for their sons, or boundaries for unacceptable behavior towards their daughters
Men with the WORST TEMPERS tend to be bullies
Men with the WORST TEMPERS use that as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, often abusive behavior
Abusive behavior. That’s the button that this little photo quote pushed for me. How classic for someone who is abusive to use the reasoning that if they just didn’t love you so much, they wouldn’t get so upset? It makes me nauseated.
I’ve got a little secret for all of you “passionate” hot heads: everyone has a temper. Sure, some fuses are longer than others, but anger is a universal feeling. The personal choices come about when we decide how, or if, to display or communicate anger. Grow up, and learn to control yourself. You’re not “passionate”, you’re immature and self-indulgent.
Everyone else: don’t let anyone ever tell you that a bad temper is some sort of side effect to a beautiful heart. Your heart can be beautiful without that. It’s a character flaw, nothing less. Don’t be manipulated.
I did not enjoy being pushed, shoved or having someone screaming in my face. A psychologist asked this man why he behaved this way. His response was it was my fault. I just made him so angry he couldn’t control his behavior. The psychologist asked him if he thought he would behave that way if I were a 6 foot 250 pound man with a knife. After a short pause, he responded that no, he probably would not behave that way. Which meant of course, he was just a bully…a cowardly bully.