Category Archives: Just Life

You, Sir, are a Jerk

You, Sir, are a Jerk

Have you ever been sitting on your porch, watching baby birds in the nest, all tweety and whatnot, and thinking “Awwwww”….and then a squirrel runs down the branch and wreaks havoc in the nest and one of the babies falls out of the tree?  You kind of stare for a minute, wondering if you really just saw that.  It’s heartbreaking.  It also seemed to be totaly unnecessary, as the squirrel had no real use for the baby birds.

On Saturday morning, I wasn’t on my porch watching baby birds.  I was in an airport in Houston.  I should have been home already, but my flight the day before had been canceled, and the next available flight was the next morning.  I was ready to get back to the Ozarks and my family.  I arrived at an airport full of bustling travelers ready to get going on their weekend getaways. Since I had checked in online and downloaded my mobile boarding pass onto my phone,  I headed straight for Security.  If the line wasn’t too long, I could probably grab some java at Dunkin Donuts before boarding.

airport security.

We moved like slow cattle through the maze to have our IDs and boarding passes verified.  As my license was handed back to me, I was directed to one of the screening lines.  In front of me was a man who seemed to be in his late 60’s, holding tightly to the hand of another man who appeared to be at least 90.  I watched long enough to decide in my head that they were Father and Son.  I don’t know if they really were or not.  The Father was hunched a bit, holding a four pronged cane in one hand while grasping the Son’s hand with the other.  He wore thick glasses, a hearing aid, and though the weather was mild, a heavy coat and scarf over his polyester pants and white athletic shoes.  The Son was manipulating 2 pieces of rolling luggage and a carry-on gym bag with his one free hand as he waited to get to the steel table and bins to begin their TSA check.  The Son spoke happily and somewhat loudly to the Father, explaining that they had plenty of time, and that it was going to be a good day for flying.    As they neared the tables, a TSA employee asked if they needed a wheelchair, to which the Father shook his head with a firm “No, no, no”.  The Son smiled and declined.

oldmanshands

I watched this tender scene, wondering if they both knew how lucky they were.  A man the Son’s age, who still had a Father in his life, and a Father who had a son that would take a journey with him.  I hoped they were heading to a happy event….a wedding or birthday or graduation or family reunion….and not to say final goodbyes to a loved one, or to a specialist for medical treatment.

The TSA officer was explaining to the Son that his Father could leave his shoes on, when, like the squirrel running down the branch towards the bird nest….

“Jeeeeeez-us CHRIST, can Grampa move ANY slower?!?”

A big sigh from behind me.  Mumbling.  Then, almost to himself, but not quietly, “Shit, we’re all gonna die of old age before Moses gets outta here.”

I abruptly turned around to face the voice.  We locked eyes, and he gave me a derisive snort.  A snort?!?  He looked down at his iPhone and started fiddling.  I didn’t move.  I didn’t look away.  I was instantly and inexplicably pissed off beyond reason. To make a long story short, by the time I’d gathered my ballet flats from the end of the conveyer belt, my inner voice of Reason had given up trying to talk me down and I was confronting the Verbal Assaulter.

“I don’t know in what universe you live in that deems it acceptable to bully and degrade an elderly man, but it’s not OK.  Are you so self absorbed that you think someone doing the SAME THING YOU’RE DOING, but not as quickly as you want it done, is an intolerable inconvenience to you?”

He blinked.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just in a bad mood this morning.”

Apparently his mood was not as bad as mine, because the apology didn’t soothe me at all.  “Well thanks for spreading that around.  And you don’t owe ME an apology, but you certainly owe one to that gentleman over there.”  I pointed to the Father and Son team, who were just finishing up the Father’s pat down.

To my surprise, the jerk walked over to them and began to speak.  Having gotten my rant off my chest, I walked off to Dunkin Donuts.  Neither the Father & Son duo nor the Jerk were on my flight.  I still don’t know if that was a relief or a disappointment.

I sat down at the gate with my coffee and one of those attractively advertised Egg White Veggie Flatbreads.  Just FYI, don’t fall for the hype on the flatbread.  Total disappointment.  I digress…

I’m not even sure which word describes this attitude most accurately.  Bullying?  Disrespectful?  Inconsiderate?  Rude? When did this type of behavior become so prevalent?  Why do so many people act as if they are the most important presence in the universe, and if something doesn’t suit them, it’s unacceptable?  What happened to understanding, consideration, grace, common decency?

The Verbal Assaulter is probably not  a bad guy, in the general sense.  He’s probably not even a jerk on a regular basis.  He just feels entitled, is devoid of empathy, and has a lack of maturity.  That’s all.  So maybe that does make him a jerk.  Jerks aren’t exactly an endangered species, but are they now “normal”?

No one else seemed to pay much attention to him.  Just observed.  Is it no one’s business?  IS he entitled to spout off about an elderly man delaying him?  Was I the one that was out of line?  Truth be told, my actions were out of my norm on Saturday morning.  As I was having my coffee, I was trying to figure out why I spouted off.  Any other time,  I may have glared, I may have even offered a return derisive snort (and I am a champion at derisive snorts, let me tell you), but I wouldn’t have confronted a 6’2″ grumpy man in an airport 600 miles away from home.  I’m supposed to be working on my karma, after all.  Being kind, being calm, turning the other cheek and such.

Maybe I’m failing in my efforts, but I’m tired of entitled people. I’m fed up with someone parking across 3 spaces because their car is so much more valuable than anyone else’s and they don’t want to risk a door ding.  I’ve lost patience with a delayed passenger yelling at a gate agent because it’s snowing in Detroit.  I’ve no more tolerance for mean people, and I’m not going to look the other way any longer.

Stay tuned.  I may need bail money.

 

 

 

 

 

The Circle…..or, Why I Want to Slap the Shit Out of Ophelia

The Circle…..or, Why I Want to Slap the Shit Out of Ophelia

I’m not sure that I can write cohesively and coherently while I’m swimming in a cesspool of negative emotions, but I’m going to try.  I think the bright white honesty of this topic might be lost if I wait until I calm down, and raw honesty is probably more important than the flow.  Or not.  We shall see.

I’m not going to identify the persons in this post, and it should be because I want to respect their privacy.  In truth, privacy is the last thing in the world I care about right now, but there’s some red flashing light in the back of my head spelling out “DISCRETION“, and I’ve learned to trust the red flashing light in the back of my head.

There is a woman near and dear to me whom I shall call Ophelia, because it means “helper” in Greek.  Ophelia has established a permanent sidekick whom I shall call Chaos.  Over the years, Chaos has actually taken on the form of various people and situations.  As one version of Chaos leaves  just long enough for me to think that maybe Ophelia is ready to move on without some sort of Chaos, *poof*, Chaos returns!  I hate that bastard.

For the last few years, there has been one consistent person filling the Chaos role in Ophelia’s life.  He is an abusive, addicted, dishonest, criminal, low class, bad person.  This is not my opinion, this is fact.  Even Ophelia acknowledges all of these attributes as valid.  I don’t know anyone who would disagree with this assessment of Chaos.  I hate this particular Chaos most of all.  Yeah, yeah, I’m not supposed to “hate”.  So sue me.

I didn’t get crazy the first time Ophelia tried to intervene and help Chaos change things around, find a new direction, make some better choices.  Chaos was her friend, and she wanted to help.  She’s a big helper (codependent) by nature, probably because she was raised by a codependent parent.  Anyway, the “help” didn’t quite take, but somehow Chaos became the romantic interest anyway.  That’s when I got confused.  Chaos brought nothing to the table except, well, chaos.  He’s not funny, handsome, smart, hardworking, rich, popular, or kind.  Seriously.  On a scale of 1 to 10, he’s a 2.  Ophelia is way out of his league.  Like, light years.

juststopglass

Just Stop

I should mention that Ophelia has another concern:  Theo.  Theo means “watcher” in Greek.  Theo and Ophelia are a team, and Theo watches all.  Sees all.  Theo is near and dear to my heart, too.

I could recount example after example, scenario after scenario, of the destructiveness of this relationship with Chaos, until your coffee was cold and my fingers were bleeding, .  I won’t, because the flashing red “DISCRETION” is still invading the back of my head.  Instead, I’ll give you The Cycle.

1.  Enter Chaos.  2.  Commence Crisis (property destruction, physical violence, vile verbal confrontations, theft, infidelity, threats, etc.)  3.  Theo watches.  4. Chaos departs, at least from public view.  5.  Ophelia’s circle surrounds her, and starts picking up pieces (both figuratively and literally).  6.  Ophelia begins hinting at how Chaos needs her help.

And………repeat.

That is Ophelia’s cycle.  My reactive cycle to Ophelia’s goes like this:

1.  Bite my tongue until it bleeds.  2.  Anger and fear overwhelm me.  Communication during the Crisis is typically fragmented and hysterical.  3.  Shield Theo as quickly and thoroughly as possible.  Sometimes it’s not possible.  4.  Relief and gratitude, with anger and fear still lingering in the background.  5.  Whatever it takes.  Talks, encouragement, friendship, advice.  6.  A quick spiral into a pathetically pointless conversation.

Ophelia loves Chaos.  I get that.  You love whom you love.  What I don’t get is letting love dictate poor decisions.  Chaos needs to be in rehab or jail, period.  Ophelia has the ability to put Chaos in jail, but won’t.  Rehab is a decision that Chaos has to make, but right now it’s just a word that Chaos throws around to manipulate Ophelia and give her delusions of a Happily Ever After something to cling to.

And Theo watches.  Theo hates Chaos when Ophelia does, and welcomes Chaos when Ophelia does.  Theo has already learned to display the opinions and feelings that will cause the least resistance:  one version to Ophelia and Chaos, another set to others.  I don’t know what Theo’s true feelings are, and I don’t think Theo knows either.  The knot in my stomach is indescribable when my brain thinks too much and I envision Theo repeating this cycle.

So here I am, in the middle of a storm, choosing to get soaked rather than open the umbrella known as Codependency.  I’ve been in this storm with Ophelia more times than I want to admit to.  Over the years, Ophelia’s choices with Chaos (and please note that I’ve progressed to putting the responsibility on Ophelia for her choices, rather than on Chaos for just being Chaos) have resulted in Ophelia and I not speaking for months on end; hours and hours of ugly, skin blotching, snot running hysterical crying; and sad endings to (or cancellations of) celebrations that happened to intersect with points 1., 2., or 6. in Ophelia’s cycle.  The thing about making memories is that sometimes you wish you hadn’t.

codependentumprella

Ophelia refuses to give up on Chaos.  I refuse to give up on Ophelia.  Every time the Crisis arrives, she thinks, “Chaos has really learned his lesson this time.” and I think, “Ophelia has finally hit the end of her rope this time.  Chaos will be gone for good this time.”    I find myself on the phone with her, totally exasperated, saying “Why do you do this to yourself?  You KNOW how it’s going to end up!”  Then someone points out that *I* am doing the same thing:  getting worked up over the situation when I know how it’s going to end up.  Oh, the irony.

So today I sit here crying, realizing that there are no magic words I can speak to change Ophelia’s mindset.  My heart is breaking, again, knowing that it’s not over.  I try to talk myself into acceptance.  I pray.  It’s probably not good that I get all attitude-y with God when I talk to Him about this, reminding Him that I don’t ask for much, and never for myself, so it would be really appreciated if He would just HANDLE this somehow, and exactly as I would like it handled, thankYouverymuch.

I suspect that Ophelia’s somewhere crying as well, realizing that there are no magic words she can speak to change Chaos’ behavior.

What I really want to do is cut Ophelia’s head open, and somehow insert the thoughts that I want her to have.  “I don’t wish Chaos anything but the best, but I need to remove him from my life.”  “I’m worth so much more than this.”  “I need to show Theo that mistreatment is never OK.”

We can build rockets that travel to outer space and regrow human organs from a pig’s ear, but no one has invented a vaccination or a pill or maybe some electroshock therapy that will make Ophelia do what I want her to do.  Dammit.

And that is why I want to slap the shit out of Ophelia.

 

Mu Shu Pork & Pancakes

Mu Shu Pork & Pancakes
I love Mu Shu Pork, and thought it would be fun to try to make at home.  The recipes I found sounded complicated, but in reality it’s just the prep work and number of ingredients.  It’s quick and easy.  There are lots of substitutions that can make it an easier recipe to tackle.  I’ve put those in italics next to the original recipe.
Chinese (Mandarin) Pancakes
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups flour
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup boiling water
2 tablespoons cold water
2 tablespoons sesame oil
Flour for rollingDirections

In a bowl, stir together flour, pinch of salt, and boiling water. Add cold water, stir until dough forms. Turn out dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth, about 10 minutes. Cover and let rest for 30 minutes.

Divide dough in half, cut each half into 5 pieces and roll each piece into a small ball.

Mu Shu Pancake DoughOn a lightly floured surface using a rolling pin, roll each ball into a 3-inch pancake. Brush 5 of the pancakes with sesame oil, top each with another pancake. Roll each pancake into an 8- inch pancake.

Heat a dry heavy skillet. Cook each pancake, without browning, on both sides until blistered with several air pockets.

mandarin pancakes
Mu Shu Pork

Ingredients
4 tablespoons soy sauce, divided
2 tablespoon dry sherry, divided (any cooking sherry)
Hoisin sauce
1/2 pound boneless lean pork, shredded (leftover chops or roast work well, too)
4 dried black mushrooms (the grocers here carry a jar of mixed mushrooms in the $1 aisle that work really well)
2 cups finely shredded Napa cabbage
1 carrot, julienned
3 scallions, white and light green parts, slivered
1 cup bean sprouts
3 tablespoons peanut oil
2 eggs, lightly beaten with 1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cloves garlic, minced
3 teaspoons freshly grated ginger
3 tablespoons chicken stock
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 teaspoon sugarDirections

Combine 2 tsp. soy sauce, 1 tsp. sherry and 1 tsp. hoisin sauce in a bowl. Add the pork, toss to coat evenly, cover, refrigerate and marinate for 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, soak the mushrooms in enough hot water to cover for 20 minutes. Drain and thinly slice. If you are using jarred mushrooms, just drain, pat dry, and slice thinly.  Set aside on a plate, along with the cabbage, carrot and scallions.

Heat a wok or large skillet over medium/high heat. Add 1 tablespoon of the peanut oil and swirl to coat. Pour in the eggs, swirling and tilting the wok to form a thin film. Cook just until the eggs are set and feel dry on top, about 1 minute. Transfer to a platter, let cool slightly and cut into 1 inch strips.

Return the wok to high heat, and swirl in the remaining 2 tablespoons oil. Add the garlic, and ginger, and stir-fry to release the aromas, about 1 minute. Add the pork and stir fry until lightly browned, about 2 minutes. If using leftover (already cooked) pork, cook the veggies first and then add the pork.  Add the reserved mushrooms, cabbage, carrot, bean sprouts, and scallions, along with the chicken stock, and stir-fry another 2 minutes. Stir in soy sauce, sherry, sesame oil, and sugar, and cook, stirring until sauce boils, about 1 minute. Add egg strips and mix well. To serve, spread a small amount of hoisin sauce on a warm Mandarin Pancake. Spoon about 1/2 cup mu shu mixture in center of pancake, wrap like a burrito, folding the ends to close, and serve.

mu shu pork